A Few of My Favorite Things.

I feel that I have been fairly negative in a few of the entries over the past week, though writing it out actually did help me think some things out and have a better outlook on things. But after the emotionally draining day and night that I had I just do not need to delve into those waters, so I decided to compile a list of a few things that I love.

  • I love rain. I love the smell of rain, all the different sounds, ways that it can look, and feel too.
  • I love babies, what is not to love?  With all the hope and innocence and potential that they hold, they truly are a wonder.
  • I love swinging. There is not another feeling quite like the freedom that you can have when swinging. As if you could just reach out and touch the clouds.
  • I love making one of a kind event invitations and Name Meanings. I really enjoy seeing the look on people’s faces or hearing about how much they liked what I made and put care into creating.
  • I love reading a good book. I especially love it when it’s an audio book and the narrator is spot on with the voices, and nuances of a character. I also love it when I actually get to read with my own eyes and not feel guilty about taking the time to do so.
  • I love planning parties. My what I could do if I had the time and budget for some of the ideas I have had. Wow. I will say that I have struggled at times when I have had to plan, decorate, host and prepare all the details great and small without help.
  • I love music and singing. I love the thoughts, memories and feelings that it can evoke. I love that my boys want me to sing them songs at bedtime.
  • I love good food. The flavors coming to life on my taste buds, ummm, so good.
  • I love hugs. There is something so wonderfully comforting about a sincere hug.
  • I love in when someone strokes or plays with my hair. It used to be one of my favorite things in the world. Unless you count the bi-annual hair cut I get, no one has really done it in years.
  •  I love having dreams. I love that I have them every night and can recall them, if not always in great detail, outlines of them.
  • I love writing in cursive. Even as a little girl it have always been my favorite and I have felt that cursive writing is a lost art.
  • I love dressing up. I love wearing formal and dressy attire. I have a classic feminine look that has been grossly underutilized, due to budget, sewing skills and occupation.
  • I love helping people.
  • I love walking.

I could go on and on and on (like the song that never ends) but then you would most decidedly not love my list. Hahahaha

Can you keep a secret?

Shhhh…

This blog is my own. No one that I (at least that I am aware of) have I met or that I know in person, knows of this blogs existence. My husband is aware I am working on a project, but I believe he thinks I am writing a book or a series of short stories. I struggled for a few days when I was deciding on what my outlet would be, if I should tell him, If it would be wrong not to. After all, secrets can destroy a marriage and I have always believed that honesty is the best policy.  But I think what I have come to realize that there are a few things that one may not need to be transparent about. If you are not being dishonest, malicious or hurtful /harmful with it then perhaps it isn’t “bad.” Some secrets can actually be good. Like a surprise party or an encouraging note sent to you from an anonymous friend, or whither or not you have a bowel movement when you go to the bathroom. Not the type of secret I would want or need to know. Thank you very much.

A little mystery in life is good.

It is this unknown that sparks excitement within us. That gives us a tiny shiver, up our spine. The adrenaline rush that awakens us. Like when we fall in love or ride a roller coaster.

In this case a secret has been beneficial both mentally and emotionally. I can tell even in the past few days that this has been good not only for me, but for my family as well. This one little thing for myself has been extremely cathartic. Maybe not right this moment as I am fighting to keep my eyes open and fingers moving to type this out, lol, *smiles* …but overall it’s quite wonderful.

Jelly Bomb

It was the first time, and it wouldn’t be the last. She came out of the lavatory and noted the unmistakable sound – of silence. Panic and dread settled over her as she quickly checked the living room, nothing. She went to the dining room and checked under the table that they would often pretend was a secret hide out, nothing. She turned and looked in the kitchen and opened the pantry door, nothing. Then she turned around once more and that is when she saw it…. Grape jelly smeared all over the counters, dishwasher, oven, and fridge, but no jar of jelly.
She walked back through the living room and her heart sank and the breath was knocked out of her, as she took in what looked like a shrapnel bomb, full of jelly that had gone off. All over the long hallway with what had been, that very morning, a brand new oversized economy jar of grape jelly, now empty but for the bottom quarter-of-an-inch. Part of the way down the hall, the floor looked like someone had installed plum carpeting and the walls and doors was a monotone Jackson Pollock mural that reached over six feet high.
WHAT?!? This was done by tiny humans that were only two and a half feet tall! How on earth did these two toddlers manage to create such a battlefield of destruction in just a handful of minutes was beyond her. Then she heard the laughter of her two little destructive prodigies behind the bedroom door and as it opened, things just got worse. There was jelly on the bed, jelly on the dresser, jelly on a bedroom wall, and the two little boys looked as if they had put purple war paint on all over their little bodies.
She took a deep breath and steeled herself for the hours of cleaning ahead of her. It was then she realized that while it was exasperating to try to clean up such a mess, her boys had been blessed with the rare gifts of curiosity, cooperation and genuine friendship in each other. Realizations like this? Well, it was the first time, and it wouldn’t be the last.

 

 

 

Opening Line

If wishes were horses…

Yesterday I started participating in several of the WordPress blogging university courses and today one of the challenges is to write my own list on one of four topics. I chose the things that I wish; just because multiple things started popping in my head and became a flood so I just started typing.
Things I Wish:

  • I wish I still had my mom.
  • I wish my kids had been able to meet and get to know her.
  • I wish that I would get back my range of motion and muscle after my recent surgery.
  • I wish my kids would stop pulling EVERYTHING down and out of the closets.
  • I wish they would take naps without pushing me to the limits every day.
  • I wish I was a better wife and mom.
  • I wish I was a better house keeper (it was never a strong suite for me and has become increasingly difficult since having a baby).
  • I wish I could open the fridge or cupboard and find what our household wanted and needed to eat in there, already prepared for us.
  • I wish I was better at articulating my thoughts and feelings.
  • I wish we didn’t have debt so we could already be working on the dream.
  • I wish I knew what was wrong with my silhouette machine.
  • I wish I had more time for more creative endeavors.
  • I wish I had a steadier base of clients for a few of those unique one of a kind items.
  • I wish we had date nights more than once in a blue moon.
  • I wish I didn’t feel like a stranger to my best friend.
  • I wish he would have listened to me the last few months the few times I was brave enough to let him know how I have been feeling instead of ignoring or brushing it off as nothing.
  • *Laughs out loud* I wish this list wasn’t so sad.
  • I wish I was a bit more of a comedian.
  • I wish I had powers like Mary Poppins or Samantha from Bewitched… Ahh, a clean, organized house and sandwiches that would make themselves. Hahaha
  • I wish this list of my wishes wasn’t so long; I probably could go on, and on, and on…

“I wish, I wish, with all my heart, to fly with dragons in a land apart.” .. There’s a blast from the past for ya’. Can you name the show?  😉

Why am I here and Who am I?

Why am I here and who am I?

*Cue the dark and broody background music that every superhero seems to have when learning their back story*
Quite frankly, I am here to help myself. I have dealt with a lot of major life changes and “hiccups” in the last few months. Please don’t misunderstand me, some of them have been absolutely wonderful or for the best but they have weighed on me; to the point of being desperate and in despair. It is far from an ideal place to be.

As I mentioned in my first post – Chapter 1, Page 1 – I am currently reading a book in whom I feel I share a plethora of similarities with protagonist. In it the character starts to find a bit of anticipation and renewal from agreeing to do a study and the correspondence with an anonymous stranger/researcher via e-mail.   As I am exceedingly not fond of e-mail – see post entitled Drowning
…. Hopefully I will learn how to link back to my own posts and blog as so many of the people who’s blogs I have checked out seem to know how to do! ***Update: YES!!! I figured it out and have now done it successfully, three different times(7.5.16). Insert maniacal laughter here? Or maybe not***….
much less finding someone to correspond with who I could trust and have anonymity, is nigh well impossible. So I mulled over different ideas all the while feeling a bit forlorn and alone in my current journey; when it occurred to me that thousands of people have blogs, a person does not have to have one just to make money (wither a lot of them start out that way or they have a tendency to try and gravitate that direction, I am not sure), I digress.

So that’s why I am here, to help me bring clarity and order to my constantly running inner dialogue and in the process make it external.

Who am I? Well isn’t that the million dollar question. Who I am is constantly changing, from one moment to the next. I am not the same person I was yesterday, nor will I be tomorrow.

 

Here are a few tidbits *Spoilers Sweetie* about me ~
I am new to blogging (if you do not count the three posts that I wrote on another site over the course of twelve months, six years ago.)

I am a geek through and through. Marvel (and DC, though Marvel is superior, in my humble opinion), Star Trek, Star Wars, Disney, BBC, Anime, obscure facts and trivia, oh and BOOKS, lots and lots of books. My favorite genre is Young Adult fiction (fantasy/dystopian/underdog). Yep. That’s the short list.

I love movies and music from the 40- 60’s – i.e. Bing Crosby & Cary Grant – be still my heart…. He was the Harrison Ford (also a favorite of mine)/Matthew McConaughey/Channing Tatum(?, not a fan of) of his generation.

I am a woman.

I love Japanese cuisine, American Chinese food, cordial cherries & Dove dark chocolate.

Okay, enough about me for now. Drops mic. …. *Quizzical expression* I didn’t even know I was holding one. Huh.

Drowning

So today’s writing prompt, is water… why am I using writing prompts? *Scoffs* Stops to think….Jeopardy theme music plays through once. Ahh, I think it’s because it is a lot easier to use those then to try to narrow down and try to stream line everything that goes through my head. See, that wasn’t so complicated to figure out. That’s good. At least that was easy. Hahahaha Back to the original thought. 94% of my online time yesterday and today has been spent trying to get some of my online accounts managed.

Let me just state for the record, I am NOT a fan of e-mail. Give me paper correspondence and advertisement instead. *Sighs* I know, it’s not “green,” but for crying out loud, if it’s important enough, then that is how you would send it, other wise just forget it. I have felt this way for years now. I avoid checking e-mail, because it just weighs me down mentally. Unfortunately, this also means that (even with my extremely selective sharing of my e-mail address) that I had 498 UNREAD emails just in my inbox, this does not include the one I had taken the time to open and read, the social emails, or the emails that are trying to sell me something, want me to participate in something, and so on. That made for an abominable total well over a thousand.

WHY?!?!?

Why, do we allow this intrusion of our time and space? One reason I believe is that we are expected to not only bare it, but to be proud of it too! If you do not, well you are one odd duck and/or a technological dinosaur. There is a social stigma for those who resist this type of constant electronic assault. I personally have been condescended upon for resisting it. Not only in the professional realm but also the personal. Business associates, friends, and family have all given disparaging looks/remarks and made fun of my resistance to freely sharing and using my e-mail. So there I was yesterday and this morning just drowning in all the useless and irreverent messages. I couldn’t sort and delete fast enough to suit me. *shakes head* Now here I am thinking and talking about it! There has to be a better way.

~Anonymous

Fences and Perfection

So today’s writing prompt is fences. Well that is not entirely true, as it is now yesterday, but I felt so awful about not being able to log on and write something that I can publish. I have been working on a post about a life experience that is near and dear to me but it is not ready.

…Have any of you had something that you wanted to write or have written that has taken days??? Wow. I can honestly say that when I started this blog I never intended to share anything that would take me that long to think through and write. Granted I do have lots of interruptions (unless I am writing between the hours of 1 and 3 a.m. and then it’s no holds bared except against my own sluggish mind or fingers) – but still…

So I was working on that and never got a chance to come back, so now instead of writing about one of the half a dozen things I contemplated yesterday (maybe this post should be called YESTERDAY instead of fences with all the references I have already mad to it!) I am writing about fences, because I liked the word. We all have “fences” in our lives. Good or bad they are there. One of my most recent fences that I build myself is that I would write and post everyday. I set it up thinking what a great goal, but it is more than that as not “publishing”  a post has shown me. It’s a fence, a constraint, one more thing for me to fail at. No, I didn’t intend for that to be the case, at least not consciously, but there it is all the same. Why do we do that to ourselves? Gahhh *Puts face in palms of hands*

We make things that are not of the utmost importance, top priority. Now don’t misunderstand me. I am not saying that specifically about writing. It could be anything. Also, writing has been an enormous outlet for me the last few days. I am not negating that. What I am saying is that I put an expectation of perfection on myself. I will fall short at times. and you know what? That’s OKAY. I can do my best and not be perfect (thank God).

So here’s the deal. My gate in the fence that I built if you will. I am still going to consider myself part of the post a day club, I will do my best to actually publish; said post, but if I don’t, I will make up for it somehow. It could be two posts the next day or an especially long post (Eee gad! lol) another time. Because that’s a post, not a publish. Yes, I am aware it’s a technicality, but for goodness sake we need those sometimes. We need to be able to jump our self imposed fences that are not there to protect us or others, but cause us undue burden, expectation, or the ever elusive and unattainable-  perfection.

~Anonymous