Prayer Request 

Please say a prayer for my 4 year old. He is currently in the I.C.U. 

Thank you. 

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Why am I here and Who am I?

Why am I here and who am I?

*Cue the dark and broody background music that every superhero seems to have when learning their back story*
Quite frankly, I am here to help myself. I have dealt with a lot of major life changes and “hiccups” in the last few months. Please don’t misunderstand me, some of them have been absolutely wonderful or for the best but they have weighed on me; to the point of being desperate and in despair. It is far from an ideal place to be.

As I mentioned in my first post – Chapter 1, Page 1 – I am currently reading a book in whom I feel I share a plethora of similarities with protagonist. In it the character starts to find a bit of anticipation and renewal from agreeing to do a study and the correspondence with an anonymous stranger/researcher via e-mail.   As I am exceedingly not fond of e-mail – see post entitled Drowning
…. Hopefully I will learn how to link back to my own posts and blog as so many of the people who’s blogs I have checked out seem to know how to do! ***Update: YES!!! I figured it out and have now done it successfully, three different times(7.5.16). Insert maniacal laughter here? Or maybe not***….
much less finding someone to correspond with who I could trust and have anonymity, is nigh well impossible. So I mulled over different ideas all the while feeling a bit forlorn and alone in my current journey; when it occurred to me that thousands of people have blogs, a person does not have to have one just to make money (wither a lot of them start out that way or they have a tendency to try and gravitate that direction, I am not sure), I digress.

So that’s why I am here, to help me bring clarity and order to my constantly running inner dialogue and in the process make it external.

Who am I? Well isn’t that the million dollar question. Who I am is constantly changing, from one moment to the next. I am not the same person I was yesterday, nor will I be tomorrow.

 

Here are a few tidbits *Spoilers Sweetie* about me ~
I am new to blogging (if you do not count the three posts that I wrote on another site over the course of twelve months, six years ago.)

I am a geek through and through. Marvel (and DC, though Marvel is superior, in my humble opinion), Star Trek, Star Wars, Disney, BBC, Anime, obscure facts and trivia, oh and BOOKS, lots and lots of books. My favorite genre is Young Adult fiction (fantasy/dystopian/underdog). Yep. That’s the short list.

I love movies and music from the 40- 60’s – i.e. Bing Crosby & Cary Grant – be still my heart…. He was the Harrison Ford (also a favorite of mine)/Matthew McConaughey/Channing Tatum(?, not a fan of) of his generation.

I am a woman.

I love Japanese cuisine, American Chinese food, cordial cherries & Dove dark chocolate.

Okay, enough about me for now. Drops mic. …. *Quizzical expression* I didn’t even know I was holding one. Huh.

Chapter 1, Page 1

And there I was just standing in the middle of the street. Arms full with my gym bag (that contained a half eaten tuna sandwich had been left in there three weeks ago, and thus had more of a repugnant stench than usual) and groceries – getting sopping wet from the humid summer rain that had started to fall- heart pounding from the excitement of having just run the half a block to catch the train…..

Okay, not really, It’s been years since I had a designated gym bag, or made a tuna sandwich for that matter, and we don’t have a train that one can catch in my neck of the woods. BUT I have been sitting here racking my brain on how to start MY very first blog post. You know what they say about hooking a reader, or maybe you don’t, heck I just had to go look it up because I couldn’t quite remember the specifics myself, only that you better do it quick like the first page of a book, thirty seconds of a performance, and wouldn’t you know, that they say that you need to do it in the first sentence. GEE! If that isn’t pressure. Man, for all I know I’m just typing for myself at this point. And here there is a temptation to just say that this blog is for me as much as anyone else,  but that would be a cop out. Because as vain as it may be, I do want to know that I am reaching someone, that there is a connection with another person who doesn’t have the responsibility or having to put up with me for one of various reasons.

So here  I am starting a new chapter, turning over a new leaf, trying my hand at actually writing down a bit of what goes through my head. I have been toying with the idea of trying to get a hold of the things that I think, in some tangible way for some time now, but till this point I have not had the guts or gumption to do so. Hopefully this will not be like sand in a sandbox of all the other things that I have previously thought about or started and not followed through with or finished. That would be typical… I intend to show my former self up. To stick it to the man as it were. Hahaha

You see my problem is that I am not an eloquent person. I do not have what some would call (myself included), charm. I have so many things I want to say, but when they come out of my mouth they almost never sound or come across the way that it did in my head or how I thought that it should have. Perhaps, I am not alone in this all to common experience? Maybe, just maybe, if I type out a bit of what transpires in this noggin’ of mine I will better grasp what it is that I am actually feeling, thinking, and then trying to convey to myself, and the people around me.

Even as I sit here I am trying to sift through some of the many things that have filtered through my head today. I recently started reading a book. I LOVE reading and listening to books. They truly are a gift to mankind. It is a little out of the genre that I tend to stick to. I am not going to tell you what that is at this time because honestly, most people are pretty judgy (I guess judgy is not a recognized word by spell check, I’m a rebel with my slang, hahaha) when they find out. And what is life, with out a bit of mystery?

As I was writing this quite a few things happened. I was asked if I have started working on a new book (I have never actually written a book unless you count the ones done in grade school on construction paper that are held together with yarn), I went over fiscal responsibilities with someone, and between all the thoughts that transpired between then and now, I wondered if I was ever going to be able to remember what I wanted to convey before I was repeatedly interrupted….Thank God for spell check. I am a horrid speller, totally misspelled/typed interrupted. Also, I fear that more often than not I am grammatically incorrect. Well, if you’ve stuck it out this far

Now where was I? Visceral *Light bulb moment*. Oh yes, As I was saying, I recently started reading this book.It is fiction, thought how “fictitious” I seriously wonder, like the names have been changed to protect the innocent kind of fiction is what I am leaning toward because seriously, the things this person has written… *Pfft* it is like it was taken from my own head and life experiences. It is quite apropos that I came across it when I did, but then again, “for such a time as this”… A little Ester 4:14 reference for ya. The character has a third party anonymous way of having to remember, question and deal with what has/is happening in their life and I was a little concerned for them and jealous all at the same time. That was kinda my tipping point. I settled on  writing a blog, might do me a little good. Yes, it’s different in practice but not in the essence of what I hope to accomplish. Who knows, maybe, hopefully, this will help someone else along the way as well.

As J.M. Barrie wrote, “To live will be an awfully big adventure.” So here I stand embarking on a new adventure with all the up, downs, twists, turns and surprises.

What do you say – Do you want to join me? Then let’s go!

~IDA